This is why we're hot.

Words from the Yan man. Read, enjoy, and keep in mind: those numbers there? They don't really exist. Doesn't that just blow your mind?

ANECDOTES FROM THE PRODUCTION OF
“DON’T DRINK THE BLEACH”

Chris Caporaso, our erstwhile web administrator, has asked me to write something for the Bleach website, so all of you fine people can get a glimpse into my sleep-deprived mind. However, instead of tackling the assigned topic (the wonder that is Aneta Klusak), I’ve decided instead to list a few of my favorite anecdotes from the production of this “film”. Don’t worry, the orgy of gratification that is the “Aneta Tribute Essay” will be coming eventually (maybe), but due to the fact that I’m hours away from locking the final cut of this movie (more or less), I only have time for these brief anecdotes. Enjoy, with my compliments.

-AY

1. One day, production was halted for three hours and forty-five minutes as Aneta desperately tried to solve a puzzle where you have to place a golf ball on a tee enclosed in a snowglobe (don’t ask). This was the first time I contemplated firing her, only to realize that this film would be dead in the water without her. (A human being can live with one kidney, but this movie could not live with just one half of the creative team. Still, that day was a pain in the ass.)


2. Another day, production was halted for an hour while Aneta did a spontaneous rewrite and I played the song “Umbrella” by Rihanna over and over again off of Nick’s laptop in an attempt to find the underlying sexual subtext. (I found it, by the way. That song is dirty.)


3. One day I chastised Ian for going to the bathroom during his break. So, on the first shot back, he kicked the tripod.


4. Note: I called Aneta fat approximately 1000 times during the course of this shoot. Nobody verbally agreed with me, but I knew they were all thinking it.


5. During one shoot, Joe Pisani and Mike Diana got the brilliant idea of dangling Nick Mastracchio off of a second-story balcony for a scene. We decided against it, but they did it regardless. Nick was angry, but calmed down eventually. We ended up cutting the scene anyways.


6. I threw a total of about 35 bitch-fits during the shooting/editing of this movie. I’m sorry for most of them; they were all undeserved. This isn’t really an anecdote, but dammit, I love my cast, and it’s about time they knew that.


7. While stopped at a gas station to buy batteries, I was verbally assaulted by a pair of rednecks who were fascinated with the furry wind-screen I had placed over the shotgun mike. “Is that a fuzzy thing?” One of them asked. I said that it was, being careful not to make eye contact. The other redneck heard this and promptly flipped out. “It might be a weapon! Put DOWN the weapon!” Dumbasses.


8. Mike Diana has an unbroken one-take record. However, the fact that he had no lines may have had something to do with this.